Episodes

Thursday Mar 07, 2019
What You Pay Attention to Grows
Thursday Mar 07, 2019
Thursday Mar 07, 2019
The thing about attention is that it has absolute qualities. That is, in terms of getting it, both negative attention and positive attention work. Sadly, negative attention is usually a lot easier to get, and so kids go there a lot, when they need attention. While you do need to confront your child's bad behavior and correct them to get them back in line, wherever possible, try catching them being good. The opportunities may be less than you would like, but the reward and benefit to your child will far outweigh the impact when you have to respond to their negative attention efforts.

Tuesday Mar 05, 2019
Two Sides of a Coin
Tuesday Mar 05, 2019
Tuesday Mar 05, 2019
To have healthy, emotionally intimate communication with your kids, actually with anybody, you need to attend to both your verbal and nonverbal communication. Verbals and nonverbals are two sides of the coin. When they don't match, the listener is left with, "Wait. What???" What you say and what you do need to convey the same message. If I'm having a conversation with one of my friends and they consistently look away, I will likely stop what I'm saying and ask, "Are you okay? You seem distracted." Their words and actions are not matching. In giving your child your attention, give her all of your attention. Otherwise, she might be left with the conclusion that you don't care about her, or that her words aren't really that important to you.

Sunday Mar 03, 2019
Let Your Timeout Punishment Be Stragetic
Sunday Mar 03, 2019
Sunday Mar 03, 2019
A timeout for our children is only meant to be an opportunity for her to cool her jets and think about alternative behavior. Where punishment is warranted, a timeout can morph into a restriction or a natural consequence to correct the bad behavior. If timeouts are given just to get some peace and quiet, the fix will only be temporary. As a rule of thumb, limit your child's timeout to no more than minutes that equal no more than twice her age. So a 10 year old would top out at a 20 minute timeout. Check frequently with your child during their timeout to assure the time is being used wisely and for reflection. Here's where active listening is your best friend. Before ending the timeout, ask her how she could have done things differently and avoided the timeout altogether.

Friday Mar 01, 2019
Weight? Don't Wait
Friday Mar 01, 2019
Friday Mar 01, 2019
Weight can be an issue for kids. Some parents just conclude that kids will grow into their adult bodies, or that he's just being "all boy." However, weight issues can affect both your child's physical involvement in his life, but also his emotional well-being. When you see an emotional fever that indicates your child's size is affecting his body image, use active listening to get to the underlying feelings. When you see his emotional fever subside, ask permission to suggest some specific activities and attitudes he can adopt to bring his body image back in line. Be proactive and involved in your child's healthy choices. Remember, with weight, don't wait.

Wednesday Feb 27, 2019
What To Do About Lying
Wednesday Feb 27, 2019
Wednesday Feb 27, 2019
It's sad but true. We all lie. It's part of the human condition. There are a variety of different types of lying, none of which justify the behavior. When your child lies, you are faced with a critical choice. Do you laugh it off and maybe reinforce this attention-seeking behavior? Do you come down hard on your child and maybe show your power but at the expense of the relationship? Try looking at the lying as a symptom, rather than as an outcome. "Gosh, son. This isn't like you. What else is going on here? Where did that lie come from?" When you see the lie as evidence of an emotional fever, active listening is your go-to response both to get to the bottom of the event and also to turn the lying into a teachable moment. Using natural consequences rather than pure punishment as consequence for lying will also help your child understand the impact of his lying on himself and on others around him. When he is clearly caught in a lie and he denies it, use "the two troubles principle." His behavior buys him one trouble. Does he want to buy two troubles by lying about it?

Monday Feb 25, 2019
Family Meetings ---Boring or Fun?
Monday Feb 25, 2019
Monday Feb 25, 2019
Many families talk about having meetings, but rarely do. If, as the parent, you are a tyrant or a doormat, family meetings will be boring. If you are a benevolent despot, they can be fun and engaging. As benevolent despot, you understand the needs and feelings of all members and make every effort to include everyone in the decision-making process. Family meeting work best when they are routine, relatively short, and the outcome is clear. Where decisions are made, post them for all to see on the family activity calendar in the common area of your home. If you are trying something new, give it a week to breathe and then review how it went. Make sure to include every family member in the discussion. Like a well-oiled machine, family meetings can fine tune and keep families chugging along.

Saturday Feb 23, 2019
Change? Give Your Child a Sandwich
Saturday Feb 23, 2019
Saturday Feb 23, 2019
Children get frustrated trying to learn sometimes, or even just trying new things. While you always want to active listen your child's feelings when you see that emotional fever, try giving him a sandwich to help him with change and with difficult tasks. Your sandwich for your child is a way of encouraging him. That is, start with praise for his effort. Then active listen and acknowledge how hard the task is for him, and make helpful suggestions. Then follow up with another praise comment. When the critique is sandwiched between two praise comments, it goes down better and your child is more likely to try, try again.

Thursday Feb 21, 2019
Four Ways for Us & Our Kids to Love Themselves
Thursday Feb 21, 2019
Thursday Feb 21, 2019
In Matthew 22:39, Jesus gives us what I call "The Codependent's Commandment." He tells us to love one another as we love ourselves. We can't love one another well until and unless we love ourselves. As parents charged with raising our kids, we need to both show them how to, and model for them, loving themselves. Four specific habits help the process along. First, eat and sleep well and make time for fun. Second, develop a confidante friend with whom you can share your feelings. Third, keep a personal journal for reflection and self encouragement. Finally, make time for individual and family prayer and devotion. Developing these four habits, and teaching them to your children, will help your children love themselves.

Tuesday Feb 19, 2019
Overloaded and Overstressed
Tuesday Feb 19, 2019
Tuesday Feb 19, 2019
Are you overloaded and overstressed? Do you have too much to do and not enough time or resources to get it all done? It doesn't have to be this way. First, get a dry-erase calendar and put it up in the kitchen or other common area in your home, for all to see and use. Second, use a weekly family meeting to reflect on what happened and plan for the next week's events. Third, and most importantly, you can't delegate enough. Sharing the load is halving the work. Being all things to all people is an impossibility. Everybody loses. Create group-think in your family and everybody wins. Don't be overloaded and overstressed.

Sunday Feb 17, 2019
Enriching Your Child with Teachable Moments
Sunday Feb 17, 2019
Sunday Feb 17, 2019
What is a teachable moment, other than a great title for my parenting book, Teachable Moments: Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. Teachable moments are the heart of effective parenting. They are the pathway for your raising your child to become a caring, helpful, responsible, independent adult. They happen in good times and in bad, if you are looking for them. It's when your child "gets it." His face softens, eyes light up, and magical insight occurs. It's when you feel closest to your child. It's especially powerful when you are able to build a teachable moment out of a crisis or problem your child faces. Teachable moments build character, empathy, creativity, problem-solving, emotional intimacy, and healthy relationships. Finding teachable moments with your child is you being the best parent you can be.